Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
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I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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