We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
