They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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