I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
it's great music for shaving your balls
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Randomize
