If i could tip my vagina, i would.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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