I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
