I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
