i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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