sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
