It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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