Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
