Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize