fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
