I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Randomize
