I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
