shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Randomize
