UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Randomize
