How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
