My room smells like vodka and shame
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
