What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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