the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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