my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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