So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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