I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
i now understand why vodka
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize