How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
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