I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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