I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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