Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
