im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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