my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
