May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
