Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
