there's paper in my vomit.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
