If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
