You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
