We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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