I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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