so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
