i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
