Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
