Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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