My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
