I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Randomize
