also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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