i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
