the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
