I'm drive I can fine osifer
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
