Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
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