he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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