Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
he thought i was a dude.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
