the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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