Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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