dude i'm inner monologue high
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
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