I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
stop calling my apartment porn island.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
