yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
