I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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