READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
