distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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