This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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