Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize
