never play flip cup with pint glasses
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Randomize
