I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
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