I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
They took my balls.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
