i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
