When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
