I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
