I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
